Marriage Boundaries

What’s the big deal?

The greater the value of something the more it costs to protect it.  Congress budgets millions of dollars to protect the President of the United States.

Your marriage is the most valuable relationship you have. What’s it worth to protect it?

One way to safeguard your marriage from intruders, temptation, and unhealthy behaviors is to set boundaries inside and outside of your marriage. This helps your marriage thrive.

The phrase “setting boundaries” is used a great deal, but what does it mean? What is a boundary?

Boundaries are like fences or chalk lines. Think baseball. It keeps the good in and takes the “foul” out of play. It protects the integrity of the game and what is most valued. For a team to score a run – or better yet, win – both teams must agree to participate within the playing field.

The concept of boundaries is rooted in the nature of God Himself. When God created Adam and Eve, they were allowed to eat from any tree in the garden except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This boundary was designed to protect their perfect love not to restrict them. They chose to walk away from God’s protection and provision. As a result, humanity has suffered tremendous consequences.

How do I even know if I struggle with boundaries?

Maybe you’re someone who: 

• desires peace at any price.
• allows your spouse to dictate your life and make decisions for you.
• fears the disapproval of your spouse more than your own discomfort.
• makes everyone else happy but gets completely worn out in the process.
• doesn’t have a voice in your marriage.

If you’re struggling, take some time to think through how the playing field needs to be chalked.

What does it look like to set boundaries?

First, it is important to know there are different types of boundaries, from the physical to the emotional to the Spiritual. A couple must not set boundaries too loose nor too rigid – boundaries must be healthy and in the best interest of all involved. It is a helpful part of establishing a couple’s identity and well-being.

Being able to articulate what is best for you and your marriage begins with simple communication. Here are some examples:

• No. I don’t want to do that. It is not what is best.
• No. I won’t participate in that. It is not right.
• Yes, I want to do that.
• I like that.

Boundaries should be used for the benefit of a marriage, not a means

• to exclude others,
• for selfishness or self-righteousness,
• or for fixing, punishing, or controlling others.

From the beginning of time, our Creator’s desire has been to protect us from any destructive behaviors. God’s goodness is evident in our established boundaries. Marriages are protected. Intimacy is enhanced, and our relationship thrives!

Healthy boundaries must be in place to protect your treasured marriage and position it to be robust.

The greater the value – the higher the reward.